life stages | Life as it happens to be

Recently I wrote this blog post about investing in friendships: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/6284

Today I’m reflecting upon the blessings of the different dynamics among some of my friendships, but am particularly grateful at the moment for friendships with people at similar stages and situations of life as me, especially as they are fewer and farther between these days as people’s situations change and move on.

The dynamic of diversity:

Although most people would see me as quiet and shy, and perhaps a bit of a ‘loner’ in certain situations, I do in fact have a wide range of very close friends that have come into my life over the past so many years. I don’t easily let ‘just anyone’ close to me, as there needs to be a firm foundation of trust, but when I do, these friendships usually become, close, committed and longstanding.

Having many connections, it is inevitable that there will be a diversity in the life situations between my friends and I. I have friends young, old, middle aged. Some are married, some single, some separated or going through divorce. Some have grown up children, some have just had their first baby. Some have a lot of similar interests, whereas with others there are maybe one or two key similarities while we have our own interests, outlooks and pursuits in life that differ from each other.

All in all this adds to a more colourful and vibrant life experience, and in a way friends become somewhat of an ‘extended family’ which is a lovely thing to have especially when I don’t have any extended family members living in the same country as me.

However, there can be a downside to this diversity. We all have our different struggles and joys in life. And sometimes when friends who are experiencing the blessings of things only hoped for in my life it is an honour to be that friend who cheers them along, celebrates their joys, and encourages them. But at the same time there can be that sense of ‘disconnect’ where there may at times be a lack of sensitivity from those who are in their own ‘joyful bubble’ or who may just take for granted the things that they talk about. In other ways you may just find that you both have different interests and so although you can share and appreciate each others differences, you’re not always on the same page. I think this will be true of any and all friendships and relationships in some respect, and this is what makes the variety of life so fascinating, interesting and challenging, helping us to see new ways of approaching life and perhaps opening up avenues of opportunity that we would never have otherwise considered.

The sweetness of similarity:

At times in our lives, however, it is just nice to find those people, even if turns out to be just for a season, where you can feel that you ‘belong’ and are in synch with where your lives are at. I had a lovely time like that this weekend with catching up with a couple of my female friends. And it was nice, comforting, reassuring and a lot of fun. We are all of a similar age, all living and working in the city full time, all share the same Faith, all unmarried, without children, all like to travel, each have our own apartments and with friends who have moved on into different stages of life than us, while we while seeking to enjoy and make the most of the time we are in now also have an uncertainty as to what is next for us.

We had a great time catching up over coffee, and have started to plan a girls’ night in together for Valentines Day ( or ‘Gallentines Day’ 🙂 ). We can bond together and have fun together in our similarities, whereas there might be somewhat of a disconnect within other groups when our friends might want to talk about their celebrations that we might feel ‘on the sidelines’ of in our own lives. Having friends in similar life stages can be hugely life affirming, comforting and empowering to see the positive and look for the joys and blessings and as I said, comfort, of those who can walk together at a similar pace. I never really had that in secondary school or university due to some unique and challenging circumstances, so I’m all the more appreciative of it now 🙂

The richness of both diversity and similarity:

It is important to have a balance of connections with people who are similar to and different from us. We gain from both the comfort of similarity and the challenges of difference. We become more well-rounded individuals when we are able to relate closely to people of all different walks of life and experience than ourselves, while being able to see more fully the blessings of our current stage of life when we have those similar to us to share it with.

Being a good friend:

Finally, whether we have at any stage of our lives many friends or none, there is still so much to learn and grow and develop in ourselves from the interactions available to us. We can nurture our connections and we can nurture ourselves to help us to be better, kinder, more patient, considerate, loving individuals, taking the time to appreciate and understand other people and ourselves, ultimately helping us to be better friends ourselves.

What do you appreciate about your friendships today? x

photo of women smiling while holding cocktail glasses — Photo by Inga Seliverstova on Pexels.com

As I often say, life happens in seasons. There is a natural ebb and flow to our daily lives, just as there is to the oceans, and just as in nature things take time to blossom and bloom and grow so too do the happenings of our lives.

In our working lives things can be similar. Most of us will be familiar with the hectic and busy spells when it seems we just don’t have enough time to get everything done. Sometimes we have a good balance between being busy and productive such that we are able to efficiently handle all of our tasks without becoming overwhelmed or overburdened.

At other times, when we are neither ‘run off our feet’ nor at a satisfying level of productivity, we find that we may be in a ‘lull’ while in the midst of things. Not in the middle of being busy, not in the middle of chaos or activity, but just in the midst of things while waiting for the next stage to unfold.

Casework can bring a regular and predictable dose of activity whereas larger and longer term projects can occur in ‘fits and starts’. At times the work is non-stop, while at others there is a process of waiting. Waiting, perhaps for information or actions from other people, departments or parts of the process. Waiting for development in certain areas. Waiting for a number of reasons.

Being busy all the time doesn’t necessarily equate with being productive. During the ‘lull’ periods we may actually have the opportunity for deeper and strategic thinking, planning and preparation. We may be tempted to ‘fill our time’ and we may risk doing so unnecessarily.

As with work, projects and plans, life also sometimes has its ‘lull’ periods.

We probably rarely appreciate them. So many of us are creatures of activity, of habit, of getting things done. And yet when we find that we have ‘too much on our plates’, too much to do and not enough time we wish that we were ‘in the midst of things’ with some time to catch our breaths, to think and reflect, to pause if not to stop.

Are you ‘in the midst of things’ in your life just now? Are you waiting for the next thing to happen or come your way so that you can keep busy? Don’t waste this season, this natural lull, this pause. Think of it like a ‘rest’ in music. It is but for a moment, and sometimes the silence can be as profound as the sound. Notes will fly your way again, soon enough, perhaps all too soon, and you will naturally anticipate the next rest, the next pause, the next brief moment of silence.

When we are in the midst of things what do we do?

Are you living in a quiet spell in your life just now, longing for something to happen but not knowing how to make it so? Does if feel that life has somehow naturally slowed and that you are being brought to a place of pause? So many things can make us feel this way. Times in our lives where we are not able to fill up our time with activity. Perhaps you are a parent of adult children who have recently ‘flown the nest’ and you are in the midst of things waiting for the next but not quite yet and your home and heart is filled with silence and aching. Perhaps you are working on a project and you can’t move on to the next stage of it until you receive input from other parties to do their bit, because after all it is all connected. You chase things up, you plan what you can, but right now at this moment in time, you simply have to bide your time. You could choose to fill up your time with other things but it would mean doing so because of the need to feel busy rather than because it is the most efficient or effective thing to do. Maybe you are between jobs, and although you diligently search and apply for jobs as I once did you can’t force the process or make that big break happen just because you want it to – you have to bide your time in the midst of things, use your time wisely and wait. You can’t force one season to change to the next, life doesn’t work that way as much as we sometimes want it to. Maybe you are in a stage of your life where you know what the next milestone is that you want to reach but you can’t make it happen. Sure, there may be things you can try and you can do, but you can’t make things turn out just as you want them, you can only persevere and do what you can do and hope and wait. Are you waiting for a life partner? You can try to meet people, but you can’t force the hands of fate. Are you setting up your own business? There are many things you can be doing but there are times of waiting too until things take their shape. Are you in recovery and working on your health? Are you laid up in hospital or on a sick bed knowing that the process of healing will take time and you simply cannot do all the things you want to do….at least not yet? Are you preparing to move country and start a new life, but you have to go through the process of paper work and various formalities and while you have done everything you can you just need to wait for the response, the go-ahead, the ‘green light’?

Life is full of ‘in between’ seasons. Times when we are ‘in the midst of things’ and waiting for things to really get going again. That’s ok. You can’t force a bud to blossom and bloom and grow. It will happen naturally. And at times in our lives we can work hard and do everything that we can do, but we can’t push one season of life into the next. Sometimes, we just have to be in the midst of things. Waiting to sell a house, waiting for a baby to be born, preparing for the next stage of a project, abiding in the silence of your ’empty nest’ when your chicks have flown, waiting for that prayer to be answered.

Are you in such a place? Can you learn to be? And if we must do something, what can we do?

In the silence of an empty nest, can you invest in yourself?

In the pause between one stage of a work project and the next, can you educate yourself, seek out training, develop your skills, research what others are doing so that when the time comes to progress to the next stage you will be better equipped?

Are you wondering about that ‘next season’ of life? Can you find ways to make the most of the one you are in? Even if that means slowing down to savour and enjoy and appreciate it? Maybe what you really need is the quiet space and time to process some deep thoughts, to reflect on what you’ve been learning, and what you might need to think about in the next stage of your journey.

When you are in the midst of things, it may seem like a time of undue quiet, but it can in fact be a place of deep growth. What will you do in the midst of things today?