Tag Archives: Wellness

Self Care In A Pandemic (63): Build As You Heal…

Hi Friends,

For those of you who are more familiar with my blog, you’ll know that I have been overcoming complex PTSD, depression and anxiety from adverse childhood experiences particularly in school and among peers, and cumulative stress throughout the years into adulthood.

I’ve come a long way, and would consider myself not a victim, or survivor anymore but an overcomer. I am still working on this stage, but perhaps one day I will be able to think of myself as a ‘thriver’, that’s one of my goals. I’m not there yet, however, and there are still daily mental battles that I am overcoming. This could easily become a negative obsession were it not for the fact that having had some help I now have some tools to move forwards with to help me be present in my day to day life.

It got me thinking that we all have our ‘stuff’. We all have things that we have survived and need to overcome. Some among you may be familiar with this road, like myself, and others among you may have for the first time experienced something in this pandemic that has hit you hard and even traumatised you as well.

For a long time I had no idea how to heal. The answers are complex, and I rely on the grace of God. There are however things that I can share with you that I have learned. Sometimes we go over our stories again and again in order to try to make sense of them, to find meaning, to reprocess, to create a new narrative. This is hopeful. At other times we are so impacted by our inner pain that we go over and over it because trauma actually has us ‘stuck’ there. Stuck trying to get free, flailing as if drowning, trying desperately to come up for air. I was there internally for a very long time until I got outside help.

Now that I am working on things by myself again, I have made considerable progress with my inner mental road map as I look to the examples of others who have or are overcoming something difficult in their lives. I’ve written about this before, and you might like to look out my post on mentors for more insight.

As we heal, as we continue on our own recovery journeys of whatever type they may be, we can also seek to build. As we try to make sense of what happened to us and the sometimes devastating impact it had and continues to have, we can see opportunities to use these experiences for growth not only in our own lives but to help other people to – to build.

I’d like to encourage you (and myself) today to consider what thoughts are going on in your mind that you are grappling with as you try to recover, make sense of, heal or move on from something.

Many of us have experienced verbal abuse at some point in our lives. For those of us who are particularly sensitive this can be crushing and can destroy our sense of self worth. We may have to spend decades trying to survive these inner wounds until we can get to a place where we can start affirming our own worth and begin to believe it. That is why I say, ‘build as you heal’. While I am overcoming these effects in my own mind and life, I can remind myself that there are still children out there who are going through things like I went through. I can remind myself that there are adults still struggling with the things I did a few years ago at the peak of CPTSD. I can remind myself that there can be greater compassion for people who have suffered even if and when their suffering is different to mine. And as I seek to continue my own healing journey I can think of ways that I can use this for good, and to build up other people.

I may be able to show more compassion, understanding and care to the young people in my life. I may be able in some small way to encourage my friends who are parents, or to build up adult friends who have traumas of their own. I can write, and blog and encourage you. I can think of the examples of others who have gone before me who have used the most awful experiences in their lives to heal and build and build and build.

Can you think of any striking examples of people who have overcome their own struggles and sufferings to go on to help other people in notable ways?

The ways you and I heal and build don’t need to be so notable because the smallest most silent and seemingly invisible acts of kindness can transform destinies. A broken person might have their life course changed by a simple act of kindness that shows them their humanity and worth is recognised. You never know, you might just be the person to do it.

Let us not wait until we are fully whole in order to begin to build. Our families, friends, communities and our world needs kindness to be built up into their foundations. Kindness and love.

As you continue healing, think of the lessons you can learn that you can pass on to others. I personally believe that when we are struggling in our healing journeys that this perspective can actually help us personally as well. If I am so caught up in my own suffering then I may believe the lies that were said about me. But if I think of another little girl suffering the same thing, I can grow in strength and perspective by saying, it’s not her fault, she’s precious and valuable and beautiful and made in God’s image, and then I can more logically begin to apply the same reasoning to myself as a child.

The wounds of childhood can run deep. They can crush us. But they can also be transformative. They can teach us to overcome, and to be the helpers and healers of the future.

Maybe your wounds are from adulthood, maybe they came as fiery darts to you in this very pandemic. Don’t be defeated by them. It is The Truth that sets us free. The Truth of our dignity and inherent worth and value to our Creator God. There are other people languishing in the same kind of deep pain that I and perhaps you have languished in. As we heal, let’s build, not only for ourselves but to be the ones who can and will lend a helping hand …. when the time comes.

Stay safe. Be blessed. Heal….and build. x

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Planning a restful ‘retreat’ one step at a time (1)…

(1). Beginnings:

If you’ve read my earlier post at the beginning of February (2020), you’ll know that I feel compelled to continue through this month with the theme of ‘Rest’. If you haven’t read my earlier post, in summary I had a great January, yet at the start of February I have felt tired, ‘under the weather’ and not in the best of health. As such, as I often ‘theme’ my months to help me have a better focus and direction, as well as to feel more positive as I move through the year, I am honing in on the idea of rest.

Well friends, ‘life as it happens to be’ is happening as it is, unfolding one step at a time, and I hope you’ll journey with me as I discover more about rest this month. If you’ve been following me for a while, or have looked back at my posts over the past few years (since mid 2017 when I started this blog), then you’ll know that I do like to have myself an at home ‘retreat’ or two throughout the year. Sometimes these have a particular focus such as faith, or a writing retreat, or creativity. I hadn’t planned to start thinking about one so early on in the year, but it seems that I need to for my own wellbeing.

At home retreats can be fairly simple, with relatively little planning and preparation depending on how organised you generally are, or you can put more time, thought and effort into things depending on your needs. I have written about planning retreats in the past. With where I am at right now, I think the planning process itself is something that is good for my mental health, if that makes sense. It helps me not to allow myself to feel overwhelmed or give in to the lack of energy, or to feel ‘frazzled’ that I can’t keep up with things at home what with working full time and feeling a little less than my best at the moment. Some people have holidays coming up at this time of the year, but as I haven’t got anything in the diary just yet, the planning gives me those similar kind of happy ‘vibes’ and something other than the day to day routine to put my attention and focus into.

Do you ever find that planning even the simplest of things, trying to make something special out of the ‘ordinary’ helps to keep you in a positive and healthy frame of mind? I think the process of doing a little bit at a time with the build up to something, even if it’s a weekend of restfulness, is quite special, particularly after the Christmas and festive season for which there was the lovely build up and collective nostalgic feeling which with the season has now passed.

Therefore, I’m inviting you to journey on planning a restful retreat one step at a time, easy does it, no stress, more rest! If you like, please join in and carve out your own little pockets of rest this month. xx

woman in white tank top lying on gray bed
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A Mental Health Winter Survival Guide – Quick Tips for those tough days (10) ~ A Summary.

Just in case you need a healthy reminder …. 🙂

Life as it happens to be

1. Keep a list of emergency contacts handy so that you can easily call someone if you need help. Also, phone or reach out to a friend and connect to people face to face when you can even if it’s not an emergency. We all need each other.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5446

2. Make an appointment with your doctor and be honest about your mental health struggles – they’re here to help.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5451

3. Have a routine.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5521

4. Practice your deep breathing technique.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5526

5. Practice ‘grounding’ exercises.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5537

6. Eat regularly, well and healthily.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5581

7. Medication.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5588

8. Positive distractions / self-care ‘toolkit’.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5594

9. Sleep.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/129815114/posts/5605

10. Copy this list and keep it somewhere you can easily refer to when you need some help.

https://wordpress.com/post/livingfully2017.wordpress.com/5610

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A Mental Health Winter Survival Guide – Quick Tips for those tough days (4).

Breathing technique: to help with anxiety or panic, practice breathing well to calm your nervous system and stress (fight / flight) response. Breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of 4, hold the breath for a count of 4, and exhale slowly and deeply through your mouth for a count of 5. Allow your belly to rise on the in-breath, and to ‘deflate’ when you exhale. Repeat as often as required. Practice this even when you are not feeling anxious as it will help ‘reset’ your system from some of the stress responses you have been used to.

side view photo of woman with her eyes closed holding her her as sunlight shines on her face
Photo by Ingrid Santana on Pexels.com

Take Your Time…

NB: So sorry that the formatting has gone awry! I don’t know what happened there….at first the content disappeared entirely, so at least, despite the red strike throughs, there is still something (hopefully encouraging) to read! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

🙂

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My dear friends,

Once again I meet you here…lovely to spend some time hanging out, thinking about life, and stuff 😉 And once again I begin another blog post by tentatively acknowledging the fact that it has been a little while since my last post. And that’s ok. And it’s not only ok, but it is an opportunity for us to mutually encourage each other.

Some wonderfully disciplined people, for whom perhaps blogging is an income stream for them (unlike myself, as I do this as a hobby and don’t make any money from it, plus I don’t really know how all of that works yet anyway ~ feel free to enlighten me! 🙂 ) may have regular schedules for creating and uploading content, and that is admirable. However, this blog post is not really about blog posts at all…it is about you….and me.

It is a gentle reminder (just as a bud seldom blossoms overnight)  to Take Your Time….

Take your time and take the pressure off yourself by taking a moment away from your seemingly endless ‘to do’ lists.

Take your time to heal. My heart and mind have required decades to even begin to heal rather than merely cope, and sometimes things feel worse before they get better, so take your time. No one can put a schedule on your healing, on your heart. Don’t block it out, but take your time to gently go through the process you need to as you discover your worth, and find greater awareness of Truth, Love and Peace. 
Take your time to focus on just one thing at a time….your brain will thank you for it! 🙂
Take your time to intentionally be kind to yourself, and to others.
Take your time to acknowledge how far you have already come.
Take your time to ask yourself and explore the deep, searching and difficult questions in your life and seek the Truth that will set you free.
Take your time to grieve, or to comfort those who mourn.
Take your time to pause and really appreciate the good things in your life….someone else may be longing for what you have begun to take for granted.
Take your time to acknowledge that you are not your work. Your work is what you do, but it does not determine or define your worth.
Take your time to take a lunch break. Leave your desk, your computer, and go out in the fresh air for a while.
Take your time to walk in nature, and listen to the natural, more gentle, healing rhythm and pace around you, far from the madding crowds of human existence!
Take your time to be by yourself, and if need be to learn to be comfortable by yourself.
Take your time to evaluate your year so far. Is this the direction you really should be going? Do you need to make a change? Do you need to stay where you are? To grow in contentment of the riches and beauty of your life just now that you only need to open your heart and mind to to more fully discover? When we look for a get-away, are we not really looking for a state of being, rather than in itself a place to be?
Take your time to love, and to accept love.

Take your time to be a friend.
Take your time to live and not merely exist.
Take your time to live out the clichés ~ stop and smell the roses! Listen to the birdsong. ❤
Take your time……to Be.

What else do you need to take your time for? Feel free to share your inspiration in the comments.