Tag Archives: workplace

A sensitive mind at work…

Friends, I admit I’ve been struggling a bit. The mental, emotional and spiritual renewal continues and with C-PTSD, etc. things sometimes get more challenging before they get better. I’m pleased to think that I’m through the worst of it after many years of suffering. And I’m generally doing pretty well. However, the ups and downs still come and go, and I can feel the physical pain in my head, in my mind and the churning over and reprocessing of thoughts and experiences. I’m in a place where I’m quite aware of what may be happening and what ‘tools and techniques’ I can employ to help myself.

If you also have health challenges and go out to work where you have to encounter other people, you know that this can in itself present a whole host of challenges for you to overcome or manage. Sometimes these can be very significant, such as in my previous experience, needing help to advocate for reasonable adjustments (which I’m pleased to say I finally have been granted), to managing your wellbeing in the workplace, in amongst the unpredictability of other colleagues who may not understand, in my case, ‘hidden disabilities’.

Today, I had an encounter with a colleague / friend who when I went to the kitchen was asking about train times and delays as we often get the same train. As we walked back to our desks through the open plan floor, she thought I had got a much earlier train, and expressed in her normal voice which is fairly loud as I walked passed colleagues her thoughts about my morning routine. She is a work friend and respects my high quality of work and knows about my conditions, and I have done work to help her, but perhaps she didn’t realise that talking about such things even in passing in a public environment was very uncomfortable for me.

She said, oh have you started getting up earlier and changed your morning routine. I expressed quietly that I still struggle a lot in the mornings with my health, not wanting to go into detail and she expressed that she knew that but didn’t think it would always be the case and that people can change. She wasn’t trying to be inappropriate but in front of people who may judge me or not understand or know about my condition it could be taken as someone being lazy or not committed rather than someone fighting hard every day to stay in work and manage some severe symptoms.

I kind of expressed that I have been trying but it is still difficult, and as she mentioned my morning routine I just said, ‘I’m trying, it’s still hard, maybe next year’.

Something so small can trip us up. There are big and little challenges at work, and sometimes people are just inappropriate when they’re just making conversation or not meaning to be. For people with existing mental health conditions, these ‘niggling’ things can build up to have an impact on how we are around our colleagues.

I personally want to retreat from people and just put my head down and get on with things. Thankfully I’m known among managers and other staff to be an excellent worker and always go above and beyond with a high quality of work. But not everyone knows that. And not everyone on the open floor who overhears these snippets of conversations knows that.

We all have different ways of dealing with things. Perhaps someone would raise it in conversation or a polite email with the person talking out of turn in a public place. I haven’t done that, I’ll let it slide, it’s more in my mind than it probably is to other people. But nonetheless, it did affect me.

And that’s all I really know to say. Not a post about what you should do, but just one to share and to find help any encouragement myself from simply getting it out my head, as it’s not good to keep things inside, but also it’s not always the best course of action to express this to the person in question…I don’t know….?. Sometimes just doing that externalising of our thoughts on ‘paper’ is the first step to growing in confidence and holding our heads high at work. Because even if other people don’t see what we go through just to make it through, the tears, the sleepless nights, the panic and anxiety attacks, the nightmares, the dizziness the fear etc etc….we know….and can walk in integrity knowing that we’re doing our best.

Sorry that this wasn’t more positive a post – it just got to me a bit but I’ll come back with more encouragement soon. x

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Lunch bites – bite sized inspiration on your lunch break…

A simple ‘thank you’ can do wonders…

Sometimes at work we come across people who do things to help us, whether that is something as big as advocating for us in some way, or as ‘small’ as bringing us a cupcake on a Friday afternoon. The world is full of hostility, but where we are blessed to encounter kindness, friendliness, a helpful attitude, a job well done, respect in any big or small way, then it is worth pausing to show our appreciation. The appreciation may not be in the form of an award, a bunch of flowers, or even a card – it might given circumstances be a simple ‘thank you’ expressed in person, or even by email to a colleague or fellow office worker. Show your appreciation. Say thank you. Because the kindness of others should never be taken for granted. And your kindness in saying thank you might just make a bigger difference to that person than you think.

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Managing Change at Work

Our lives are always changing. Our experiences ebb and flow with the seasons. We find comfort in the predictability of the seasons of life, and the rhythm of our days – we like change, we even find it exciting, when we can manage it, feel somewhat in control, in the driving seat.

Yet change doesn’t always happen in a way that we would like. When planned for, change can be life enhancing – the new job we prepared for, the travel adventures we want to go on, the new seasons of life that come with new friendships, relationships, births, marriages, achievements, academic success, promotions, new hobbies, and so forth, where change happens, but it is wanted and to some extent planned for. Life sometimes just happens though….regardless of whether the changes that come are what we want or not. Changes may be unwanted, negative – they might involve suffering or pain or loss or just throwing us outside of our comfort zone more than we would like. But what of those changes that are neither particularly ‘good’ nor ‘bad’….just different?

To bring things to a personal level, with where ‘life happens to be’ for me at the moment, the organisation I work with has recently been amalgamated / absorbed into our larger ‘parent’ organisation, as it were. Old logos have gone and we are now all ‘one and the same’, within this bigger organisation. I helped, along with some of my colleagues, with the business transfer – the legal stuff. It was an exciting new challenge and I learned a lot that I would otherwise have had no opportunity to without these unique circumstances. As important as it was – that was the easy bit!

Now that all of the legal procedures have been dealt with, and things are official, the practicalities of what this means have come into play. Thankfully, I won’t be moving to another building, but 250 people are moving in to the one I’m in. I’m seeing new faces every day, I have no idea who most of them are or what their jobs are, and I have on the positive side of things been involved with new and more interesting work.

Now, as a person with C-PTSD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Depression, changes like this can be quite tricky. I had a panic attack and was sent home from work last week, and that’s even before the new people arrived – I had just been moved out of the room I was in, someone was in the temporary quiet place I was to be in for a couple of weeks until they let me know where I’ll be sitting, and so this ‘little issue’ turned out to be a major trigger for me in feeling unsafe, overwhelmed and like a helpless and threatened child again – I was no longer in control of my surroundings and felt like certain people were being hostile towards me, which may just be their less than graceful way of communicating. And so came the fear, stress, hyper vigilance, hyperventilation, panic, tears, dizziness, PTSD etc.

Thankfully, despite various hurdles and challenges along the way, my workplace is pretty supportive overall, and I am very thankful for that. If you find yourself in a similar situation, and have ‘hidden disabilities’ that make things harder for you, then know that there are ways for you to manage change at work. Maybe like me, you’re protected by legislation, and have people within your organisation who can advocate for you when speaking up for yourself is difficult or seemingly ‘impossible’. Through this process I have had meetings, a risk assessment, and an occupational health review. As such, I am being considered for work in a quiet space, to help me stay well at work, and to continue doing the excellent work they know I am capable of doing. I am awaiting a decision on that, but in the meantime I have been given a laptop to use in a quiet room, which happens to have a beautiful view of trees – which is just the calming effect that I need.  I still have the hurdles of my own anxieties to overcome, like encountering new people, wondering whether colleagues think I’m getting preferential treatment, or whether they think I’m ‘crazy’, or weird or are talking about me.

I’m sure I’m not alone in these kind of thoughts and feelings – that’s all part and parcel of anxiety – however, we can find ways to manage change at work better, if we learn to better manage our own thoughts, feelings, nervous system and wellbeing. If you are struggling, maybe that’s the last thing you feel you need to hear right now – but I know that it is a daunting and difficult journey. it takes time, it takes courage, it takes patience and practice. And sometimes we just can’t quite manage it on our own – and you know what – that’s ok. If you are having to manage change at work try to give yourself as much help as you can – when you are less stressed write down some ways in which you can find a helpful way forward – perhaps this might involve asking someone for help, asking your employer for ‘reasonable adjustments’, getting a letter from your doctor or union representative, or some other form of advocate. On a more personal level, it may mean spending more time working on your breathing, managing anxiety, ensuring you are looking after yourself physically, working on improving your sleep, water intake, healthy eating, exercise and generally being really kind to yourself. This can be incredibly difficult when things are tough and stressful. It can also be difficult to keep in contact with friends and you might feel alone – but there are always avenues of support – you deserve giving yourself the best chance. Find familiar things at work and build them into your day – whether that may be going somewhere for lunch that you are comfortable with, keeping in touch with a colleague you are friends with, or working on something that you know you are good at. The bigger, strategic, high-level changes may be out of our hands, but at a more ‘down to earth’ level, we can find ways and means to help ourselves and each other manage the otherwise stressful effects of workplace change. Any helpful ideas from your experience? Please feel free to share them in the comments. x

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